My Car Has Been Running Since the Summer and So Have I

I have this bad habit of keeping my car running while I’m not in it

and I don’t know if it’s so it’ll stay warm on a cold day

Kind of the same way he did in the winter

Or if it’s so I’ll always have an escape plan,

Kind of like the one I had in the spring

It just keeps filling up my garage with toxins

Keeps the fumes coming in

but I keep my eyes shut so I can pretend I don’t notice

Like how we knew we were in danger but we kept the keys in the car, kept the door shut, turned the lights off so we didn’t notice each other

I have this bad habit of keeping my car running while I’m not in it

and I don’t know if it’s because I can’t decide if I want to leave yet or not

I’ve never been very good with timing

Maybe that’s why I left in the middle of everything

Why I crumbled to the ground, took my foot off the brake and rolled right into the wall

I never know when to put it in park

When it’s too soon to tell if I wanna stay

– An excerpt from a book I’ll never write

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